I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
