How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
