you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
