Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
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