You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
