Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
