he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
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