After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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