I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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