hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Randomize
