I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
