I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Randomize
