when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
