She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
