There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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