Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
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