I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
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