let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Randomize
