I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
