Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Randomize
