i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
