I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Randomize
