I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
