Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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