I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Randomize
