I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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