Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
