You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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