3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
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