i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Randomize
