I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
