ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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