He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
This is the high leading the old right now
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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