It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
i am craving dick and cupcakes
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Randomize
