just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
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