I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
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