All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Your mouth is God's brothel.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
