Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
I'm passing your future prison.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
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