Kareoke will never be a sober sport
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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