Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
Where is the hickey?
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
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