every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Randomize
