what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
