their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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