Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
The air taste purple.
Randomize
