I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
