Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
