I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Randomize
