Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
