Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
