we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
