he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
