had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Randomize
