I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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