I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
