Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
