a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
