Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
