You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
