College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Randomize
