lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
He passed out mid-signature
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Randomize
