I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
