hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
