I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
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