I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Randomize
