my soul wont recognize me after tonight
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Randomize
