Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
