You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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