life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Life is so much better after having sex.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
