I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
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