New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Randomize
