I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
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