Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
