My girlfriend figured out who you are.
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
