She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
