Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
