ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Randomize
